I’ll never forget that funny and awkward moment
when one of my students shoved my face into the birthday cake she had made for me. I couldn’t believe it. What had just happened? I was both confused and embarrassed. What was supposed to happen next?!
During the cleanup process afterward, I learned a little more about my student’s Colombian culture and their ways of celebrating birthdays. I grew up in a stoic German/Pennsylvania Dutch family. Birthday parties consisted of cake, ice cream, a few presents, some awkward games, but not much more. We cut the birthday cake and unceremoniously handed it out and ate it.
We didn’t dance. We weren’t loud. We matter-of-factly ate our cake and moved on with life. Celebrations of any sort weren’t a big deal.
When I started teaching English as a second language, my birthday celebrations changed significantly. I began to learn traditions from around the world. My students threw birthday parties for me that included lots of food, dancing and music, laughter and loudness. It was so different from my own culture, but fun! And I loved it. Except the face-in-the-cake part. Apparently in Colombia, it’s customary for the birthday girl/boy to take a bite out of the cake without touching it with their hands. Someone behind them shoves their face into the cake. I learned that the hard way!
Recently I came across a “Dear Abby” letter referring to this face-in-the-cake tradition. Someone wrote to “Dear Abby” after seeing someone else have their face shoved into a cake. They were offended by the action and thought it was incredibly rude. Abby responded in the same manner commenting that it’s never OK for humor to come at someone else's expense. However, reading further, there was a comment from someone familiar with this cultural tradition. They explained the practice from their perspective and how this tradition was an accepted and expected part of birthday celebrations. The letter and comments revealed so clearly how cultural background and understanding affect our perception of others’ behavior and the way we respond to it.
Isn’t it interesting how our actions and behaviors can be so misunderstood when someone doesn’t understand our culture? We all look at the world through our own lens.
Lately there has been a lot of discussion about equality and racial differences. These discussions are crucial for our country to have! However, an assumption can be made that the differences we have aren’t important
and shouldn’t receive any attention.
And while there are many traits and characteristics that all humans share, there are also many things that make us different. Ignoring differences doesn’t benefit anyone;
it only leads to more confusion and misunderstanding. The key is to understand the root of the differences and placing the emphasis in the right place. And most of our differences stem from our cultural differences.
So what is culture?
If someone asked you to explain what culture is, would you be able to? Is it difficult? Or maybe you have a good idea, it’s just not very clear in your mind.
Many people think of race and culture as the same thing, but they are two different things. Race or ethnicity is based on physical characteristics, heritable traits,
and geographic ancestry. The location or group of people we grow up with does not change our race
or ethnicity. Our ethnicity may be reflected in our skin tone, language, hair type,
etc. Race has become increasingly hard to identify since our society is becoming more diverse. There are so many people who don’t fit into one race. That’s why many researchers argue that the concept of race should be dismissed entirely.
Culture, on the other hand, refers to beliefs, values, and rules of conduct.
These traits affect how we act, how we think, and how we perceive the world.
Our culture will be reflected in what we believe is right or wrong, acceptable or unacceptable. And our culture can change over time.
Culture is something we learn from the group of people we are with.
Culture is a set of values and beliefs that we share with a group of people.
Culture is what drives our behaviors.
Misunderstanding someone’s behavior can lead to hurt, anger, or offense and breakdown in communication. (Think, smashing their face in a cake.) Learning to understand someone’s culture is a way of showing respect to them. It shows an appreciation for the ways that they may think or communicate differently than we do. Learning to understand the culture of another individual or group of people can help improve your relationship with them. It can help you to understand why they may behave a certain way or respond to situations the way they do. During my birthday celebration, I was stunned that my student pushed my face in the cake! In my family/culture, that would have been perceived as rude and mean, like “Dear Abby’s” response! Understanding that cultural differences were at play allowed me to look at the situation with humor instead of becoming angry or offended.
Cultural differences are becoming more and more common as our society becomes more diverse. How should we approach interactions with those who may be different than us? I believe the key is humility. We will never get it all right. We will make mistakes. There will be misunderstandings. However, being aware of the possibility of cultural differences allows us to take a step back and offer grace
when we misunderstand or are misunderstood. Don’t take things so personally. Do your best to learn the values and beliefs of others. Maintain the posture of a learner.
There will be mistakes and blunders.
But cultural differences are beautiful and can give us a new way of looking at the world.
What cultures do you see in your company or organization? What conflicts and differences have you seen between cultures? How can you approach interactions with more humility and grace in the future?